Joy in the Journey

One week from today it will have been 2 1/2 years since Bobby died.  I don't know why this half year anniversary seems to be looming but for some reason that I can't begin to understand it seems to be significant.  I have spent the past couple of weeks reflecting on my life the past 2 1/2 years in particular.  I have reached the conclusion that there really is joy in the journey.  The journey itself is not always joyful but looking at the big picture I can say there is joy in the journey.  I don't know why at the age of 25 I had an aneurysm in my brain that I was able to survive when just a few short months later a 1st cousin also had one and died after surgery.  ( Let me say here that "survivor's guilt is a very real thing)  I don't know why two men (my daddy and my husband) who loved life and all that it had to offer were taken by cancer at young ages yet my mother who to be perfectly honest never really seemed to enjoy life is still with us in body but her mind has been gone for years.  I don't understand a lot of things.  Yet, what I do know is that life does go on.  In the past 2 1/2 years I have out of necessity had to rediscover myself.  And at the risk of bragging I like me!  I am still a work in process.  I have met people in the past couple of years that I would not have met if I was still married.  (Please don't misunderstand here, I wish Bobby were still here).  I have been blessed and according to some other folks been a blessing to them.  Those things would not have happened had I not became a widow.  A friend called the other night because she needed someone to talk to and her words were, "I don't know why but I knew I had to call you."  Boys and girls that means a lot to me.  Dumbass and I have talked about this several times.  He really can be sweet (and I am sure that is not something he would want to be common knowledge).  When he tells me sometimes how sorry he is that I lost Bobby but how blessed he feels to know me.  Even to the point of asking if I thought Bobby would approve of our friendship.  And I think he would.  I have learned in the past 2 1/2 years that I can take care of myself.  I don't have to have a mate just for survival which unfortunately many women have never learned.  I have struggled a tremendous amount since his death, emotionally and financially but guess what!  I am doing just fine thank you very much.  I am proud of how I have managed but I am not prideful in it, if that makes any sense.  No, there are a lot of things that I don't pretend to understand and every moment is not full of joy but overall there really is joy in the journey.