It Really is a Journey

All of life is a journey.  You have heard me say before, 'It is your journey and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you."  The particular segment of the journey that I am referring to today is my journey through widowhood.  In a previous post I mentioned that it is a marathon and not a sprint.  As each person travels that road it is as individual as they are.  Shortly after Bobby died I had a wise lady who had been a widow for a number of years tell me that you never really get over it you just learn to live with it.  I am learning more and more as time goes by that she was so right!  Every person handles the grief process differently and there is no right or wrong way to do it.  There is no time frame for all the elements of healing to fit neatly in.  I am not going to be in the same place at the same time that you are.  I have also learned that the grief process is different for the different relationship.  I have said that I have buried a child, a parent, and a husband.  Not that any hurts any more or less than the other but they are all different.  In the death of a spouse we have lost a person that we chose to be with.  It was with a person that we learned to love not a love that you are born with like that of a parent or child.  I have talked with people who are divorced and they have commented that they understood the losing a spouse.  I beg to differ!!!  In a divorce one or both of you made a choice to end that relationship and as long as there is breath in either body there is always the possibility of reconciliation.  In the death of a spouse neither of you had a choice and there is absolutely no opportunity of reconciliation.  I find myself even after 2 1/2 years often feeling like a married woman.  I still feel like a wife, I just don't have a husband.  My head tells me differently yet my heart has not caught up with my head.  Yes, this is a journey and on this journey I count as blessings the wonderful friends and family who are walking it with me.  Don't be alarmed, I am ok.  As a matter of fact, I think I am doing pretty damned good.  Just some of those random thoughts that wander through from time to time.  Mentioned to Dumbass on a number of occasions that it would scare you to death the things that wander through my mind.  I am good, life all in all is good, and I look forward to each day.  Just pausing to reflect on the journey.

Misc. Observations and Other BS

I observed one of the funniest things I have ever heard over the weekend.  To be perfectly honest had I not heard it with my own ears I am not sure that I would believe it.  Was standing in line at a McDonald's on the way to the horse sale on Sat. waiting for my food when a lady in line asked the cashier, "do ya'll have cheeseburgers?"  I kid you not she really did and she was as serious as a heart attack!  Bless that little cashier's heart she had to ask her to repeat it.  So I actually got to hear it twice!  Bless that girl's heart again after looking a little shocked she very politely said, 'yes ma'am we do' and the lady replied, 'then that is what I want, a cheeseburger'.    Just goes along with my observation that real life is much funnier than anything you can make up.

Saw an interesting quote today and believe it or not it was not on Facebook.  "The standards you live by and work by will become the reputation that you are known by."  Pretty cool, huh?

My ball team had their first game yesterday and we won!  I'm not surprised.  With Thing 1 and Thing 2 both playing ball and my team starting to play it really does feel good to be back on a ball field.  It feels almost and note I said almost as good as being at a horse sale.  You would think that with 5 sale days in 8 days that I would have had my fill for a few days.  Looking forward to the next one.  I mentioned to Dumbass that I should have had my fill and his reply was that if I could have found one to go to on Sunday I would have went.  I have to disagree, only because that was the day of 15 hours of sleep.  Now Monday would have been a different story.  And since I have to wait a few days for another sale (week from Sat to be exact) I will go to ballgames.  Thing 1 and Thing 2 play Thurs. night and my boys play a double header on Sat. 

As stated before, a moving target is hard to hit.  To be continued.

I Knew It Was Coming

What you may ask did I see coming?  What I refer to as a 'crash day'.  I go pretty much like that little pink battery bunny much of the time.  I have said that I can go and go and go but there will eventually be a crash day.  Yesterday was my crash day.  After working approximately 85 hours in 9 days, not to mention other things like laundry, ball games, and a date or 2 I went to bed Sunday morning knowing that as soon as possible on Sunday afternoon I was going to sleep.  It had reached the point that I no longer had a choice.  OMG was it great.  Came home from church, put a t-shirt and shorts on and did not even turn the radio on!  Mopped my nasty floors (which was bothering me more than needing sleep) I slept for a couple of hours until my bladder woke me up.  Then slept for another hour or so and woke up a little hungry.  Grabbed a snack and went back to sleep and slept for 12 hours straight!  I know this is probably not the healthiest thing to do but sometimes things just work out that way.  I actually have (for me) a fairly calm week and should be able to get some 'normal' rest.  Then the marathon that is May will begin.  I am not complaining just stating that is how it goes sometimes.  Looking forward to our 'blackberry winter' being over and spring being here to stay.  After a cloudy dreary weekend, I am needing SUNSHINE.  It don't even have to get real warm just craving the sun.  Ya'll have a great day and I'll be back!

The Power of Positive Thinking

The power of positive thinking sound encouraging doesn't it?  It is a wonderful thing!  However, let me add a disclaimer here.  It is a wonderful thing when used positively.  Just the phrase, 'positive thinking' implies good optimistic thoughts.  Yet, that is not always the case.  You can be positively negative.  Sounds strange doesn't it?  But it is true.  Saw an expression sometime in the last few days that really says alot.  "If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind wanders."  Wow!  After some reflecting boy is that ever true.  The mind is amazing.  We can fill in with good, encouraging, uplifting thoughts and that will eventually become our outlook on life.  Or we can fill it with negative, 'why me', self-pitying thoughts and that too will eventually be our outlook on everything.  Darling children, life is just way too short to focus on the negative!  Surround yourself with those who lift you up and encourage you.  Put yourself in a position that your mind is constantly being filled with positive things.  I swear to you that attitude is contagious.  Ask yourself does anyone want to catch yours.  So, you see if you think that things are positively horrible, huh, guess what?  You got it, they will be.  If you think that regardless of circumstances that things can always be worse you will be better able to weather the storms.  Reminded of:  "the bad news is, nothing lasts forever, the good news is, nothing lasts forever."  It is also amazing how just putting a smile on your face can help to change your entire attitude.  So boys and girls, here is an experiment that I challenge you to try for one week.  Smile, find someone to encourage each day in some small way, and before you put your feet on the floor each morning name out loud 10 things you are thankful for.  I dare ya!

Some Things are Just Funny

Had a very interesting and humorous text from my daughter on Mon. evening.  Thing 1 had a baseball game and she sent me a text to let me know some of the parents were asking where I was.  (I was at a horse sale)  Now that is just sweet!  But, at this same ballgame some of the mothers had a conversation about who would bail them out of jail if they got in trouble as a collective group.  (They must have been doing an awful lot of hollering)  I just think it is just the greatest thing that not my daughter but one of the other mothers said, "Janelle's mama would come and get us."   I like that!  While there might be many people who would maybe not want to be on the 'bail list' I am flattered that they know I would be there. 

On another note, I have been wanting to get a tattoo for a year or so, just for the experience of it.  My issue has been not being able to decide what I want.  Well I have decided and will probably complete that adventure within a couple of weeks.  I will make a picture and explain the meaning of it after it is done.  Just a little teaser of things to come.  Have a great day!!

Community

What is a community?  I have learned that is not just the people who live in the neighborhood around us.  To be perfectly honest I have only a passing acquaintance with the people who live around me.  I know most of them and we have a 'hello and nodding' relationship.  But real community does not depend on geographic location.  I am reminded of this as I work different horse sales.  It doesn't seem to matter if I am in NC, VA, or SC.  I have friends at all of them.  And I do mean friends, not just casual 'hello, how are you' friends but friends who we are truly concerned about each other.  It just really amazes me, and why I don't know, but I love this sense of community that I have with all these people that I have met at different sales.  They are concerned for me and my family and I can't tell you what this means to me.  I also have this sense of community with my ball team.  To know that whatever I happen to be going through these are people that I know are only a phone call, e-mail, or text away.  That sense of community that not only are they there for me but they know I am there for them also.  I love how the little barn rats at the sales call me Aunt Connie.  I love how I have contact with these people between sales.  I love how some of my ball team will call to check on me in the 'off season'.  I love my communities!  As usual to be continued............

It All Depends on You

Doing a bit of reflecting in the past few weeks.  I had someone tell me last week that I made them happy.  I had to at that point say, 'whoa, wait a minute'.  Happy is not something someone else can make you.  You may be happy with someone but in order to do that you must first be happy within yourself.  Don't get me wrong here, but I do not want the responsibility of someone else's happiness.  Like I said we can be happy together but I am not the one who makes you happy.  This is something that has to reside within yourself.  No one else can give you peace or happiness unless it first dwells within you.  I can understand what the Apostle Paul was talking about when he said he had learned to be content with what ever condition he found himself in.  I am not only convinced but convicted (and yes, they are different) that we all must reach that point that within ourselves we feel contentment with who we are.  Then we are able to feel joy, peace, and even happiness even in the midst of some of life's most difficult storms.  In other words, these things exist independently of outward circumstances but more as a result of inward spirit.  Am I always happy?   There are times that I am very sad but even in those times I still feel peace and even joy.  I am reminded of the scripture, "all things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to His purpose."  There is no promise that everything will always be good because it won't.  But, even in the very turmoil that is sometimes life we can trust that good will come out of it.  And, we can deal with those turbulent storms with peace in our hearts and joy in our soul even when we don't always have a smile on our face.  Reminded of two, what I have always heard referred to as old Indian proverbs.  Live to fight another day and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  I am learning not to ask, 'why me?' but rather to ask 'why not me?'  So look within yourself for your happiness and don't depend on others to make it happen for you.  You may feel that temporary giddiness but it will not be that true happiness that last forever within you.  Toddles!

Another Thought to Ponder

Saw the following on FB this week and it caused me to think (yeah, scary I know).
     'If you can't fly then run.  If you can't run then walk. If you can't walk then crawl.  But whatever you do
      you have to keep moving forward.'

I was reminded after sharing with a friend that for a couple of months after Bobby died that I really could not think past the moment.  It was like each morning once I had my feet on the floor that some days the only way I could seem to function was to concentrate on just putting one foot in front of the other.  I could not even imagine the next hour let alone the next day, week, month, you get the idea.  So I learned that we can't always, fly, run, walk, that sometimes it really is a crawl.  Yet, it is whatever you have to do to make forward progress.  Simply because life does go on.  It is not easy at times and we don't always like it but in the great scheme of things each of us individually really are fairly insignificant and the world is not going to stop because our very hearts are ripped out.  While our own personal world is out of kilter life is going on around us.

But I also learned the value of doing nothing.  Sometimes doing nothing is actually making forward progress.  When you don't know what to do it is sometimes best to do nothing.  Being still and doing nothing and waiting on the right timing results in more forward progress than doing the wrong thing just because you feel like action is required.  I have been heard to say that it takes far less time to do something right the first time than it does to have to go back and redo something.  Am reminded at these times of Psalms 46:10, 'Be still and know that I am God.' 

So even though the need is there to be making forward progress sometimes the greatest progress is in doing nothing until you are sure which direction to go.  There is a reason that in football sometimes they have to back up and punt.  Have an awesome day!

Must Be Another One of Those Age Things

It really must be another one of those age things.  Anyway, it is my lie and I will tell it the way I want to.  I don't know when I got such a sassy mouth.  And, for those of you who know me well there is no comment necessary here!  But I find myself being called Smartass on a fairly frequent basis.  Even Dumbass called me a smartass the other day!  And as we all know, nobody likes a smartass.  Oh well!  It is what it is.  Kinda like the girlfriend I was talking with the other day and she was talking about the ups and downs in her relationship with her fella.  My response after telling her she deserved better and that if he really cared then he wouldn't treat her like that was to tell her she could learn to enjoy that roller coaster ride or just get the hell off.  Sounds like good advise to me.  When I told another friend about having a 2nd date with my gentleman friend she asked me if he knew I was a smartass yet?  Ain't that just funny!  I think it is.  I mean seriously!  Why be so serious?  There are times for it but far too many people are overly serious about far too many things.  Lighten up people and enjoy life!  There is enough crap in it to deal with without taking trivial drivel and making it a world crisis.  Not that that is what either friend was doing when I gave my advice (which was asked for by the way, that is normally the only way you get it).  But I seem to notice people in general panic over just everyday run of the mill stuff.  Yes, an unexpected car repair is a pain in the ass but it is not the end of the world!  That is just one small example.  I guess what I am saying is, "don't sweat the small stuff" and most of it is small stuff compared to what others have to deal with.  My yardstick of measurement is, "did the earth stop turning?"  Uh, no, so get it together and get on with it.  Boy howdy, when I sat down here and started typing I really didn't see all this coming.  Oh, and we are at over 1600 views now so Thank All of Ya'll!  Have a great one!

It Is What It Is and I Am Who I Am

Saw the following on FB this morning and of course had to write it down and add to my collection.
     "You can break down a woman temporarily but a real woman will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself and come back stronger than ever."

As I read that I thought that you know that is what I have been doing for the past 2 1/2 years and I have come back stronger than ever.  As I think and ponder on things you know I am no different than anybody else and though I have people tell me that I am special I have learned to answer that I am special to some people but there ain't a damn thing special about me.  Many women have gone through much more difficult things than I have or will ever go through.  Many of them have come back stronger than ever.  As I meditate on these things I have to be honest about some things.  I like me!  I enjoy my own company.  I made the comment that I am not really a girly girl.  I have people tell me alot that I look nice but I don't put any effort in it.  I shop at Goodwill, thrift stores, and consignment shops and don't worry about fashion I just wear what feels good to me.  Don't get me wrong I am not a 2 bag special but I ain't drop dead gorgeous either.  I am just comfortable in my own skin.  I am just enjoying life and all that it has to offer.  And I try to be compassionate, loyal, and considerate of others.  And with all that being said I want to share with you what may very well be my new theme song.  Hope this copies so you can hear Blake Shelton.  Enjoy!
http://youtu.be/PJe754cLbok

P.S. Just checked and it did copy.  Enjoy!!!!! cos great day in the morning that man is HOT!

Mixed Emotions

Having that 'anywhere but here' and 'it's 5:00 somewhere' feeling.  Just saying!  LMAO

It Really Does Take a Village

You may have heard the expression that it takes a village to raise a child.  And it really does.  But raising a child is not the only thing that it takes a village for.  It takes a village to raise an idiot also but we won't go there.  It also takes a village to carry each other through difficult times.  I thank God for my village which at times is more like a mega city.  I thank God for those people who don't even know that they are helping.  Will leave you with a thought to ponder this morning.

"What lies behind us and what  lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

and

"Life has knocked me down a few times, I've seen things that I never want to see again.  But one thing is for sure, I'll always get back up, I will never stay down."

Have an awesomely blessed day!