Go With Your Gut

You know go with your gut instincts.  I was right.  While he is a very nice gentleman and dinner was nice, he ain't gonna be able to keep up.  To be honest even if I wanted to I don't know that I could slow down that much.  If it tells you anything, he picked me up at about 6:55 we went to eat dinner (at a place 30 minutes from my house), I was home at 9 and it is now 10:42 and I have been to Wally World to buy groceries and am now enjoying my nite time sleep aid.  It really is almost comical.  Toodles

Awwwwwww

As I have mentioned before I sometimes have a little twisted sense of humor.  (no comments from those of you who know me well)  One of my quirks is my pet.  Her name is Hannah and she is the absolute perfect pet for a woman on the go.  She is a rock.  Now Hannah came to live with me after hearing for more times than I can count that I needed a pet to keep me company.  Let me clarify that I am not anti-animal.  I have had some very dear pets in the past and something always happened to them so I choose not to get attached to another dog.  It would also not be fair to a pet the way I am coming and going all the time.  And to be brutally cold and honest I don't want the responsibility right now.    Again, I digress.  The children, grandchildren, and some very well meaning friends kept insisting that I needed a pet after Bobby died.  So finally one day I went to a friend's house who has lots of rocks in her yard and picked me out a nice palm sized rock, took it home fixed a little basket (padded I might add) for it to sit in.  I then made a picture and sent to the kids and said meet Hannah, my new pet.  She doesn't have to be fed, watered, walked, cleaned up after and is the perfect size to just sit in the palm of my hand if I feel the need to stroke something.  She is also a good guard pet because if anyone bothers me I can hit them with her.  She doesn't pout or sulk when I am gone and only has to be dusted ever once in a while.

I give you that background because I had a client come by this week who is here although not often but enough.  Over the weekend I had done some cleaning and rearranging of some pictures and I moved Hannah to another spot.  One of the first things this client asked was, "Where is Hannah?"  Now ain't that just sweet?!  I then showed them her new resting place and they were satisfied that I had not gotten rid of her.

One of my grandsons is looking for a companion for Hannah and he is going to be called Roscoe.  The grandson picked out the name. 

So twisted though it may seem, folks just seem to accept it.  Just like my front door mat that says, "One nice person and One old grouch lives here."  Yep, I live alone so it is always right.  Toodles

Hello World

I was looking at the stats for my blog this week and saw that I have someone from Russia and Germany reading my ramblings and rantings.  HI YA'LL!!! That is just so cool!  I appreciate all of you in the USA and other countries that read this.  Thank you and I hope you keep coming back.

Just a brief update on the sleep saga, a good roaring hot flash trumps Nyquill.  But it's all good.  TTYL

I Have Found the Cure

Well maybe not the cure but a temporay solution.  I am talking about my insomnia.  Just a little background information.  Ragweed or some cousin to it is kicking my butt in the seasonal allergy catagory.  It is or was winning.  Sunday morning I woke up (sorry to be so graphic) feeling like I was choking on sinus drainage.  Started taking some OTC stuff that helped during the day but just as soon as it started wearing off I would start hacking again.  So right before I go to bed I take one more dose and I am good for about 3 hours.  Then I wake up coughing.  Now I have reached that wonderful age that when I get a good cough going one of two things is going to happen.  I am either going to break wind or break water.  So the remainder of Sun. night was spent cough, run to the bathroom, nap, cough, run to the bathroom.  On Monday back to taking the OTC stuff again but when it was time to call it a night, I just knew I could not take another night like the one before.  After taking my night time sleep aide (one really cold Natural Light) I then went and took about a half a dose of Nyquil.

Now I don't know about ya'll but when I take Nyquil I shudder as it is going down.  I think (even though I have never done this) I could do whiskey shots easier.  But I know it is the coughing, aching, sneezing, etc. medicine.  Oh my gosh, did I ever sleep.  Did not wake up coughing, did not wake up making a mad dash to the bathroom and did not wake up until the 2nd alarm went off.  (first is the clock radio, second is alarm on phone).  Did a repeat on Tues night and now for the first time in I can't remember when I have had two restful nights sleep in a row!!  And while the allergies are doing a little better I will be using the same combo again tonight.  Won't make it a habit but will use it for future reference.  Nite all!

I Love This!

Too Good Not to Share

Saw a hilarious saying this morning and it is just too good not to share.  You know they (whoever they are) say there is a lot of truth in humor.  Well that certainly fits this one.

"If brains were gasoline, you don't have enough to power a piss ant's go cart around a cheerio."

I think I have met them and at certain times I might even be that person.  Have an awesome day!

What is I'm Gone Do?

Posed the question over the weekend, "Is it possible to have anticipatory SAD?".  As I have mentioned previously I am not looking forward to winter.  I have figured this out, it is not because of the cold weather but because of the shortened amount of daylight hours.  I have just become so accustomed over the summer of staying outside as much as I could in the evening that I just dread not being able to be outside.  When you are home alone it just makes for a really long night when the night starts at 5:00 freakin p.m.  I still have about 3 more weeks of ballgames so that gives me something 2 nights a week.  And given the fact that I don't have a full free weekend until I think the 2nd weekend in Nov. I really should not be complaining.  I guess I am gonna have to unstick the throttle!  Kinda wish I was a bear and could hibernate.  Or a bird who could fly south for the winter.  Wait a minute I am in the south!  Could always fly souther (I know that is not a real word).

Went into the Wally World on Sat. afternoon and next to the pool supplies were Christmas decorations.  Now what is wrong with this picture?  It is not even the end of Sept. for heaven's sake.  The best thing I can think of about hurrying Christmas is that we will be closer to spring.

I really am not a whiner, just some of my rantings and ramblings.  Thanks for listening.  Oh, and I have a date Fri. night.  Don't get too excited (shame on me, I'm not), it is with the fella that I don't think is gonna be able to keep up.  But he called and asked me to dinner so I figure it is a night out and I am trying not to be too hasty in forming my opinion.  Will let you know how that goes.  Have a great night or day depending on when you read this.

Re: Comment on Update on Bar-B-Que

I really can't explain what someone else might mean by horse people but when I made the reference it was referring to the people who work with these people's horses.  For one of them who is a trainer that is his profession.  It was just a way of identifing a common interest.  Not really any different than referring to people who raise and train dogs as "dog people".  I don't really think it makes anyone different than anyone else who has a different hobby such as golfers, ball players, cyclists, and etc.  Not sure what the person you work with meant but I don't think being a "horsey" person makes anyone any different than anybody else who has a hobby they enjoy.  Hope that helped.

Update on the Bar-B-Que

Ok, it wasn't as bad as I was dreading, but then most things usually aren't.  It turns out that it was a much larger gathering than I thought it was going to be so I did not stick out like a sore thumb.  I am telling ya'll that is how it feels.  Like a conversation bubble over your head that says, "look, she is by herself".  But like I said it was a fairly large crowd and I knew quite a few of them.  As a matter of fact probably 10 or so of them were clients so it was good to see them in a social setting and talk with them.  The host and hostess are horse people and their horse people were also there so I hung out with them quite a bit.  A storm came up and everything wrapped up pretty quickly.  The meal was good and so was the fellowship.  It is over and done and now I don't have to dread it anymore.  Just wanted to share that I survived, actually enjoyed myself, and am none the worse for wear.  Toodles!

2 - 1 = 1

I find myself with a social engagement this afternoon that I am not especially looking forward to.  I am attending a bar-b-que at some friend's house.  Sounds like fun doesn't it?  And I am sure it will be.  However, (you knew that was coming).  I hate going to social functions alone!  I am sure that other people don't notice like you think they do but it is almost like having one of those cartoon bubbles over your head saying, "she's alone".   Everyone else will be couples, happily married couples.  Just another one of those widowhood things that I am still struggling with getting used to.  When you have spent so much time as part of a couple and then you find yourself not part of a couple it becomes awkward being in those situations that involve mostly couples.  I must admit that when I was part of a couple I really didn't think about it and I apologize for being insensitive to those single folks.

In the past couple of years I have declined quite a few invitations because of this.  But I really like this couple who have invited me, enough so that I am going to go. 
With all that being said, I have decided I need a man.  BUT!, not just any man.  I need a gentleman FRIEND who would be willing to attend certain social functions with me but would be happy with that being the only relationship we had.   (You know just short of being a paid escort and I would return the favor)  Sounds awfully selfish when I actually look at it like that.  Which leads me to believe that for the time being I will learn to adapt to these social situations or be conveniently busy when some invitations are issued.  And the busy part shouldn't be too hard to pull off, cos like I say, "a moving target is hard to hit."

Found Some Quotes

While I was going through some papers I ran across some quotes that I had written down.  Not sure when, but they were good for a chuckle, probably for the 2nd time.  Have to share.

1.  Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge.

2.  Shhhh....  that is the sound of nobody caring what you think.

3.  If you have something to say raise your hand and then place it over your mouth.

4.  I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

5.  Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

Enjoy!  And I can hear the still small voice of my baby brother saying, "nobody likes a smartass" but I just could not help myself.

No, I Do Not Want Cheese with this Whine

Cos, I am not whining, just making observations.  This menopause crap is for the birds!  Ok, I am 78 days and counting toward that one year mark.  But for some reason the last couple of weeks the hot flashes and insomina are worse than ever.  At the sale on Mon. the other two ladies in the office got chilly so we turned the air up.  Just as they are getting comfortable I am rubbing my neck with a piece of ice!  Two mornings this week by the time I get out of the shower and dressed I am feeling like I need another shower cos I am sweating like a pack mule!  And sleep, oh my God!  Or I should say what sleep.  It seems the only way to get 4 straight hours of sleep is to be busy at least 16 hours out of the day.  Maybe I need to quit taking the B12 that I had started taking to give me more energy.  Naw, that ain't it because I can be so tired that I can hardly move but it is like my eyelids are super-glued open.  Or I will sleep 20 minutes and stay awake for an hour then 20-30 minutes of sleep followed by at least an hour awake.  Makes for a damn long night.  I normally talk to my friend Dumbass in the mornings and he asked when he called one morning this week if he had woke me up.  He then said I need to wait a little later to call so I don't wake you up.  My reply to him was, "you don't know how bad I wish you did wake me up."  He then asked, not sleeping any better, huh?  See I told you I could talk to him about anything.  He even listens to the menopause blues.  He don't quite get it but he does listen.  Oh well this too will pass.  And I really am not whining.  I am trying to put a postive spin on this and look at it from the perspective that maybe the end is in sight.  On second thought pass the cheese.

Bring It On Home

Gosh, I love Sr. Games!!!!  Especially when we are the 2011 State Champions in the Men's 65-69 age bracket.  Yep, we brought home the Gold!!!  So proud of my boys.  Even sweeter that the team we had to beat won the Gold in the National Games this summer.  One of their players told me on the way out that they would be coming back next year with a vengence.  I just smiled at him and told him to bring it on. 

I think there is a small chance that I might be a little hard on these boys at times.  I asked one of them today if he was going to pout or play ball.  Then I had another player make a running dive to try to catch a fly ball in the outfield.  He missed the catch (and that was ok, he had to come a long way in to get it) and took a fall and as he rolled to his back he fell on the ball.  He really was hurting and after checking to be sure that he was ok I told him that he had probably just bruised a kidney and we only had 3 more innings to play so shake it off.  It was said in humor and he did chuckle and he did finish the game.  I am awfully proud of these boys.

Called my dumbass best friend on the way home (he had called once today to see how we were doing) to tell him I was driving home with a gold medal around my neck.  After congratulating me on the win he then asks if we won fair and square or did I pay the other team off, I had to remind him that is another smack in the back of his head that I owe him.  I really do appreciate those who appreciate my sometimes twisted sense of humor.  The good thing is that I understand his sense of humor also.

Been a great day and I get my glasses first thing in the morning.  I will be sitting there when they open at 9.  Only have one more day of poking my fingers in my eyes to coat them with tiny pieces of saran wrap.  Life is good.

Update on the update

Oh and the friend did show up and while I am sure that he is a very nice man and I did make sure to talk to him and not be rude this won't work cos I can done and already tell this old boy ain't gonna be able to keep up.  But I was nice.  Probably didn't help his case much when we were talking about how long he had been retired (since first of year) and I said that retired is what I want to be when I grow up and he commented that I probably didn't have too much longer especially if I retired at 62.  I didn't tell him my age but just said "naw, it's gonna be a little while"  Say good night Irene.  "Good night Irene"

Update on Tournament

Got to the ballfield for the brief coach's meeting then on to where the two teams that we played today were playing.  Got my scorebook out and scouted where each player hit.  So when we played the first team I was ready.  Little good it did me cos we sucked hind teat!  Or in other words we lost 9-5.  I told my boys "when you can't hit your way out of a wet paper sack you can't expect to win a ballgame".  I guess I get little blunt with them sometime.  But it was true!!!!  Now that score would later prove to be important.  The team we played first was the loser from the first game by 1 run.  We then play our 2nd game and we win 15-0!!!  Had to laugh when after I had yelled at one of my players about something the plate umpire yelled, "Hey Coach".  When I looked at him he made the whip-cracking motion!  I just answered him with "Dang right!"  So now in our 3 team pool we have 3 teams that are all 1-1.  Tie breakers are determined by run differential.  Which means we won 1st place in our pool.  We play again tomorrow at 10:30 and at 1:30.  If I read my brackets right, and I could be wrong (it does happen from time to time) we are already in medal play.  1st team we play is always tough but if we hit we should be able to beat them and then the other two should not be as hard.  Even had a player from one of the teams we played tell me he thought I was one of the best coaches he had ever seen in action at sr. games and oh you have about the cutest damn haircut I have ever seen. 

Had a very sweet text from someone that I consider a dear dear friend today and then home to have a sweet message on FB from another friend.

In case you couldn't tell today has been a good day and I am looking forward to tomorrow.  Life is good.  Oh and my glasses are back but then that is another story.  Have a great day or night depending on when you read this.

Old Home Week

Tomorrow we play ball at the state Sr. Games softball tournament.  And hopefully on Wed. also.  Sure would like to have another medal to add to my collection.  We play at noon and again at 3 but I have to be there at 8:15 for the, get ready I love this, coach's meeting.  It really does get kinda interesting since I can play 11 in the field and bat 12 but we have 15 players going to be there.  That means somebody doesn't get to start.  But as they all want to win as bad as I do, and I do, they are really good about not pouting if they don't start.  They all know that I will eventually get them in the game.  Some of the sweetest words I hear on the ball field are, "I'll play where ever you want me to play."  Looking forward to seeing old friends that I only see once a year.  It really is old home week.  And it is not just other ball players.  There is the parks and rec director from Cumberland Co. that I always look forward to seeing and the umpires that I see year after year that always speak and ask how I am doing and the gentleman who is the field supervisor that even though I don't even know his name always speaks and says it is good to see you again.  I guess it is almost as much of a reunion as it is a ball tournament.  Doing something different this year.  I ususally drive up by myself but this year I am riding with some of the team who are going early also, because the two teams we play tomorrow are playing each other at 9 so we will be scouting the competition.  The moral of that story is you never get too old to be competetive.  Will update you on the progress.  Oh, and lc let me know that his friend is coming with him tomorrow.  I will try not to be rude this time as long as he doesn't expect me to talk to him during a game or the 30 minutes prior when I am doing lineups and getting my mental game face on.  Hope I don't have any trouble waking up in the morning but I have a back up.  My friend that I call dumbass on occassion has to be at work at 6 in the morning so I have asked him to call me anytime after 4:30 to make sure that I am up.  Wish us luck!

Pause to Remember

As citizens of the United States and around the world stopped to remember the tradgies of 9-11-2001 I am reminded again of all the blessings that I enjoy.

Most of us can remember where we were and what we were doing when those planes hit the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and the crashed plane in PA.  I can remember feeling very anxious not only that day but for several days to follow.  I can also remember thinking that for the first time since his death I was glad my father did not have to witness what was happening in our world.

9-11 has it has come to be called changed many things for America that day.  But as we stop to remember the people who gave their lives that day and the families that were left behind it is also a time to reflect on not only what we lost but what we still have. 

I am thankful for the freedoms that we are still able to enjoy in our country.  I am thankful for all EMTs, Paramedics, Fire Fighters, and Policemen.  These are people who put their lives on the line daily and often for very little pay compared to the risks involved.  As with all professions for some it is just a job but for many more it truly is a calling.  And I for one thank you for all you do.

I am thankful for our military.  Many have given their life throughout history to protect this country and the freedoms that we take for granted.  They also leave family behind with a void that just can't be filled.  Many of our servicemen and women through history may not have given their lives in death but they gave up the life they once knew and that could never be recaptured because of the horrors of war they witnessed.  Thank you for giving yourself for me.

No, our country is not perfect and seems to be getting worse every day with economic turmoil, political fightings, and terror threats but there is no where else I would rather be.  Thank you all who help to preserve the freedoms that I like so many others take for granted.  God bless America

What To Do, What To Do

As I have mentioned I have discovered that I really am not good at doing nothing.  I find myself with one of those rare weekends of nothing to do and to be honest I am just a little befuzzled.  I guess I should enjoy as starting on Monday I will be going pretty much non-stop for about 10 days.  I have about 2 1/2 days of insurance work scheduled for next week, 2 days of the state senior games ball tourn., a horse sale on Sat. and the next Mon.  I guess this not having anything planned is something that takes practice.  I was talking with a friend on the phone last night and told him that here I sit with nothing to do, all night to do it, and nobody to do it with.  Not really feeling sorry for myself just making an observation.  Oh well, I guess I can always clean house.  My little yard does have to be mowed today and my nasty car could really stand a bath.  Just rather strange to be sitting here at 9:30 on a Sat. morning still in my gown.  Think I will practice and make myself not get dressed for at least another hour.  I also heard words come out of my mouth yesterday that I never thought I would think much less say but I dread the thoughts of cold weather coming so bad I can hardly stand it.  Damn, I must be getting old.

One More Reason I Love These Boys

Yeah, I am talking about my big brothers again.  As previously mentioned we played ball tonight.  We got our butts beat but good.  However, with the exception of 4 players the other 12 of my team are over 65 and several of them in their 70's.  The team we played probably averaged about 52 in age.  Now let me tell you 15 years at that age makes alot of difference!  The boys played well and I promise you that will be the last time that team beats us.  I have a different strategy for the next game.  But I digress, you know I can't tell the Reader's Digest version of a story.

After the game when both teams had finished shaking hands they all congregated around the pitcher's mound.  I was in the dugout getting my stuff together when one of them called me on to the field.  I walked out and one of the players (the one that I am threatening to bat 13th) started to talk.  He mentioned that 2 years ago today our ballteam lost a good friend and player, my husband, and proceeded to talk about how I had stayed with the team even though Bobby was gone and how much they appreciated me.  Then he had prayer for me and my family.  I had not mentioned at any time that today was the anniversary of his death.  They remembered, for them, for him, and for me.  I was deeply touched at how these boys care for me.  Of course there were many hugs and I love yous from both teams afterwards.  (remember, I know most all of these old boys)

It has not been a bad day even though in many ways the second year was not a whole lot easier than the first.  But life goes on, doesn't mean I always have to like it but it does go on.  Am very thankful tonight for memories and good friends.  Oh and I guess I need to move lc back up in the batting order.  Think he might have redeemed himself.

Let's Play Ball!

After much waiting, ball season starts tonight for my boys.  Every woman's dream, tonight I get to boss 13 men around and they all know better than to argue with me.  How sweet is that?  Was supposed to begin on Tues but we had a rain out.  I guess we are playing fall ball.  Looking forward to being with my team tonight.  Should be interesting as this is the only game we will get to play before we go to Raleigh next week for the NC State Sr. Games.  Glad this is not a qualifing year for nationals.  And as much as I have been looking forward to this wouldn't you know we have the late game.  Ah well.   Play Ball!!!  ( you know that is the last two words of the National Anthem, "Play Ball" or in some cases, "Gentlemen Start Your Engines." 

Can't think of a title

When I read my daughter's blog I often think, "damn, I done good".  That lasts for just a moment then I have to acknowledge I didn't do it by myself.  I am incrediably proud of this young woman and her perspective on life and I wish I could take full credit for it but I can't.  There have been many people who have influenced her as well as myself.  It really does take a village whether it is to raise an idiot or a child.  I had a lot of help raising this very easy to raise young lady.

September is the month that we said good-bye to what I feel like were two of the biggest influences in her life and mine.  One was her daddy and the other was mine.  Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of the death of my husband.  He was a good husband, father, and grandfather.  As I told the children the night after he died, he wasn't perfect but he was perfect for me.  There is not a day goes by that I don't think of him and time really does help heal the heart.  But the healing is not an overnight process.  On September 26 it will be 11 years since my daddy, her Papaw died and again not a day goes by that I don't think about him.  When Bobby was sick I can remember wanting so very badly to just be able to talk to my Daddy.  But again time heals.

I remember these two men, faults and all, with joy, sorrow, and even sometimes self-pity but most of all with an undying love for them both.  Both of these men taught me much and I am the better person for having had both of them in my life.

Let Me Explain

Just feel as if maybe I need to expound on previous post just a little.  That is my desire not because I feel that I am anything special, far from it.  I am just a plain ordinary person who has learned a lot of very hard lessons in life mostly from my own poor decisions.  With that being said, everything that we go through helps us to become the person we are at what ever stage of our lives.  One of my favorite things to say is, "look at the difference one letter makes, in life we can choose to become bitter or become better.  I choose to become better."  I have learned to be more compassionate, less judgemental, and more forgiving.  These are things that I hope to pass on to others simply by the way that I treat them.  As equals, without judgement, with much forgiveness, and even more compassion.  Because regardless of who we are or what we have done underneath it all is a person worthy of being loved.

Random thought

I have come to the conclusion that one of my greatest desires in life is for the people that I come in contact with feel that they are a better person for having known me.  That when all is said and done and years after I am gone that I will have touched people's lives in ways that they didn't even realize.

Blessings

I read an interesting quote this week:  "If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything.  If you look at what you have in life, you have everything."  How does that put things in perspective?  Sometimes we need to be reminded of those things that we do have.  I believe that is called counting our blessings.

After all these years it is official.  I am the coach of my softball team.  Even with these boys calling me coach it has never actually been on paper until now.  Parks and Rec has me listed as the coach for the league we will be starting in next week.  That's right I get to spend 2 nights a week with my big brothers for the next 6 weeks.

Have had several good chuckles from Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the last several days.  Oh, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are my daughter's sons, my grandsons.  Have also had a couple of really proud granny moments because of these boys also.  Had a friend ask me to convey to their parents (I had been bragging) that he thought they were doing a "damn fine job of raising those boys" and make sure you tell them I said so.  When he told me he thought Granny might have a little to do with it my reply was nope, it is their Mama and Daddy.  I get credit for their Mama.  I am awfully proud of her and the woman she has become and is still becoming.

Still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up and where I want to live when I run away from home.  But for now I will focus on those things that I do have and not worry about what I don't.