Ah, Menopause or in Other Words ??????

I am in some stage of menopause, just not sure what that stage is.  Let us look at the word: men-have absolutely nothing to do with it, o-oh, my gosh!, pause-instead of pause why can't we just have quit!  I have been dealing with peri-menopause for about oh 10 years, and as a wise dr. told me once when HE said, "you have to remember it did not start all at once and it won't stop all at once."  Me thinks he should work on his bedside manner because I received absolutely no comfort from that!  I have reached the point where the hot flashes don't come as often, although there is the occassional night sweat.  The mood swings are not as bad as a few years ago, but that is my opinion and I really don't want anyone else's on that.  But guess what is still here??!!  You got it, but I never know when.  I really must lead a dull life when I hit 30 days between and start counting and thinking oh boy is this gonna be it.  Well it's not IT yet.  But I find it oddly strange (is that like de javu (and I know that is spelled wrong) all over again?)  That you are not considered menopausal until you have been without a period for a year.  This is the only condition I know of that you have to have for a year before you know you have it.  Don't ya'll just love being a woman?!

I'm Baaack

Better frame of mind today.  It is what it is and you deal with it.  Today is a new day.  Oh and I am very fluent in idiom.  Have an awesome day.

For It To Matter I Would Have to Care

For it to matter I would have to care seems to be the attitude for the past couple of days.  Or in other words my ability to give a s... seems to be missing.  But never fear it will return in a couple of days I am sure. 

I am a widow (sounds like the beginning of a support group).  I hate, hate, hate!!!!! that word.  It simply means that I am alone and not by my choice or the choice of my husband.  So there is nobody to get mad at about it!  I try to stay busy but you can only do so much before you have to spend that time and think about it.  Granted the times don't come as often as they did but when they do it is a pain in the a@@.  I can't help but think sometime "yep, this is right where I thought I would be at this point in my life, in a business that I thought would support me till retirement but is failing due to no fault of my own.  And juggleing everything all by myself."  Yeah, it's a mini pity party I know.

But be not discouraged I will be back to my optimistic self shortly.  All in all life is good, (I do still have my health).  But gee, who wants to start over at this age?  I don't and sometimes resent not having the choice.  But I really do get so tired of trying to keep all the balls in the air by myself.  But centuries of women have done it before and I will carry on and be the stronger for it.  Just trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  (I really want to:  1- be retired and 2 - be quality control for Dairy Queen.

The really sad thing or maybe more realistic thing is that 100 years from now nobody will ever know the difference so I guess I should not stress about it.  Going to bed, tomorrow will be a brighter day.

A Moving Target is Hard to Hit

What a busy past few days.  I love it!!  My sister and I left after she got off work on Fri. evening and went to VA to spend the weekend with our brother and his family.  On Sat. we messed around their barn and horses for a while.  He went and picked up a new horse on Sat. morning and this horse is massive.  He is currently on the "fat farm" portion of the farm.  My sister got on a horse for the first time in probably decades and rode in the round pen.  On Sun. we went for a trail ride.  Thanks to Gerald and Yvonne for a lovely experience.  I had gone up in May and we rode 2 days.  I haven't ridden in many years also until here recently and I am loving it.  Patricia also loved it.

After leaving VA on Sun. afternoon we went by Winston Salem to see her son who is in Gov. School for the summer.  Got home at 10 Sun. night.

Gerald, the brother in VA is a farrier and an auctioneer.  He does a horse and tack sale 2x a month in Bennettsville, SC and Patricia and I both work for him at the sale.  So Monday was a sale day.  We had to be in Bennettsville at 5 p.m.  Home at 2 a.m. and it was nice to have a friend call around 1:30 to see if I had made it home ok and was willing to keep talking to me until I got home if I needed it.  I assured him that I was ok and he needed to go on to sleep since he had to be at work at 5:30 a.m.

Like I said a moving target is hard to hit, but it's not like there is anybody waiting who gives a happy rat's a@@ when I get home anyway.

My Friend Friday

I love Fridays!  But then who doesn't?  Well I guess for those people who have to work all weekend it is no big deal.  I start my Fri. mornings with a visit to the beauty shop.  Not for me but it is my weekly visit with the "golden girls".  They are my best friend Kim's mother and grandmother.  Kim is also a hairdresser.  I look forward to seeing these ladies each week and believe it or not they look forward to seeing me.  After the golden girls left Kim and I were just visiting waiting for her next appt.  I hung around for a bit while she worked on her next appt.  The lady told me how much she liked my hair and how it was the most beautiful silver.  While flattered (as much as I get) I am not all together sure that at 52 I want to hear how lovely my silver hair is!  While I do often hear, "it's such a beautiful color" I know there is more white than not but that doesn't seem to be as bad as having the color pointed out.  With that said I am not a particular vain person.  But gee!  I have decided that I am at a point in my life that my mind and body can't seem to agree on how old I am.  Seems like the body is winning today.

Wow

I was so pleased with my daughter's blog that I have decided to start my own.  We will consider this on-line journaling.  Just a little about me.  I am a 52 year old widow in some stage of menopause just not sure which one, hence the name of my blog.  I find myself at a point in my life that I never expected to be in.  So in order to harness some of these random thoughts that drift through from time to time, here's Connie.  I know, that was really lame.  I am 52 but very likely in much better shape than I was at 42.  I have days that I can't believe that I am this old (not that it is really old but gee, I am way past middle age when you think about it.)  Then there are days as Garth Brooks sings, "I'm much too young to feel this damn old"  In the 21 months and 8 days (but who is counting) that I have been a widow, I have been learning much about myself.  And to be brutally cold and honest there is some good and some well that could use improvement.  I will share more on that later.