WOW

It has been a while since I have really had the opportunity to post.  April and May have been kinda crazy for me.  (I already told you that May was going to be a marathon)  Toward the end of March my baby brother was diagnosed with stomach cancer.  I don't think I have mentioned it but stomach cancer is the reason that I am a widow.  I haven't said anything about it because I have to process within myself before I am really able to share about it.  I had said that the evening he called me to give me the positive diagnosis the only reason I didn't go throw up is because my knees were too weak to take me to the bathroom and I did not have the strength to clean up a mess.  He is progressing very well in treatment and his cancer is being treated as curable.  He should find out late next week or the early part of the next when he will have his surgery.  Two weeks ago my other brother, (the one next to me in age and who lives in Oklahoma) was diagnosed with multiple myleoma, which is cancer of the plasma in the blood.  This cancer is considered treatable but not curable.  So late on Thurs. afternoon one sister and I climb in my truck (which I reeeaaallly do love) and drive about 20 hours to the hospital that he was admitted to in Oklahoma City.  We stayed until Sun. around lunch time and then headed home to arrive around 9:30 on Monday morning.  Not really a weekend trip but hea, it is what it is and you do what you have to do.  He did call this morning to say that he was being discharged from the hospital today.  Today made 15 days of hospitalization for him.  As I am the oldest of this brood of 5 and our father is deceased and Mama has Alzheimer's and doesn't know anything, I am the "other mother" of this group.  Yep things have been kinda crazy around here but I still say there is joy in the journey.   The journey in and of it's self is not always joyful, but there is joy in the journey.  I will leave you with this for today.  "  Our days are much happier when we give a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind."  Have a great day and it is good to be back.

Some People Just Don't Have a Clue

Some people just have absolutely no clue how much restraint that I have at sometimes!  I was at my mechanic's shop this morning getting my truck serviced.  I took my breakfast and a book with me to occupy myself while he was changing my oil.  I was sitting there minding my own business when another lady and her 4 year old granddaughter came in.  She asked if it was ok for her to sit on the couch with me and I replied, 'sure'.  She sat there and talked to her granddaughter about what all they had to do.  Then she began to tell me that she had to do everything herself, that her husband was of no use to her, and she didn't even know why she needed him.  At this point, I am barely able to control myself!  I did not know this woman from Adam's house cat, still don't know her, and will probably never see her again and don't know that I would recognize her if I did because at this point my vision had begun to blur!  She just does not know what she managed to avoid this morning because the mechanic came and answered her question and she left.  Had I had to listen to her bash her husband for even another minute I probably would have let loose with both barrels!!!!!  Sometimes I amaze myself at the restraint that I am able to use.  And sometimes people get lucky and don't even know it.  To be continued I am sure.

I Could Probably Blame This on Menopause

Yeah, I probably could blame this feeling on menopause but I am not going to because it gets blamed for enough.  I am going to credit, not blame, but credit this to maturity because good God Almighty if I ain't there now it just ain't gonna happen.  What may you ask am I talking about?  Let me issue a disclaimer here that I mentioned to my friend Elaine a couple of weeks ago that I felt a 'rant' coming on.  Well, it has just kinda built up to the point that I have to let it go!  I find that as I get older I just do not have the patience for grown folk that act like they are 10 years old!!!  I want to tell them to grow the hell up!  It just gripes the tar out of me to see grown people pout and act like they have been treated so unjustly because their every whim is not met.  Take some flippin' responsibility yourself and don't wait for everything to come to you like you are a damn queen or king on a throne waiting for everyone else to be at your beck and call.  I mean, REALLY?  I am truly amazed at how some people have such a high opinion of themselves.  And before anybody takes this personally let me just interject here that I am not talking about 1 or 2 people here but it seems to be the majority of the people I have interacted with lately.  I can't tell you how many people that I have had a conversation with in the past month or so who had to tell me how somebody hurt their feelings!  Well whoopee!  Do you think that you are going to go through life without being hurt?  I promise you everybody is not out to get you because the reality of it is most of us just ain't that important!  I want to say, 'grow up and develop a thicker skin'.  Followed real close with, "when did everything get to be about you?"  I am reminded of a quote that seems very appropriate here.  "If people spent more time talking to each other than about each other, how much better the world would be."  Thank you for letting me bend your ear.  I feel better.  I try to be a good listener and am always confidential with what people tell me but sometimes, well I just run out of patience.  I see far too many people who would be justified in feeling sorry for themselves and don't to have patience with those folks who would rather dwell on how someone hurt their feelings than count their blessings.  I personally would rather count my blessings and they are far too many to list.  To be continued I am sure.

Happy Mother's Day

Tomorrow is the day that we set aside to honor mothers.  Mother's Day, for reasons that I won't go into, is not a day that I particularly enjoy.  Mother's Day for about the past 17 years has been difficult for me.  (remember I have a mother with Alzheimer's, that we have been dealing with on some level for at least 15 years)  Last year early on Mother's Day morning Dumbass called to wish me happy mother's day.  Bless that boy's heart, sometimes he really does catch me at my worst.  Instead of thanking him and telling him that I appreciated it, I just kinda morphed into a real bitch and told him if he knew how I felt about mother's day he could have saved himself the time and phone call.  Of course then I had to apologize and tell him thank you for thinking of me.  I am making a concentrated effort this year that any time someone wishes me happy mother's day to politely smile and say thank you.  He did tell me that I should not feel that way because I have a wonderful daughter to spend mother's day with.  Which leads me into the meat of today's post.  (All of ya'll should know by now there is no short version  when I start telling something.)

I am thankful that I have a relationship with my daughter that does not require a special day to celebrate.  I commented to someone that the relationship that we have is close enough, comfortable enough, and special enough that as far as my relationship with her, Mother's day is just another day.  As I am going to be out of town for much of mother's day we were going out to eat dinner last night to do our "mother's day thing".  I called her yesterday morning and asked if she and the boys just wanted to come to the house and hang out.  We had an assortment of finger foods for supper, watched Duck Dynasty and Big Bang Theory on DVR and just enjoyed being together.  I truly am thankful to have such a special relationship with her that does not require a day to be set aside to commemorate it.  As I write this I know that is not the case for everyone and my heart goes out to you because I can empathize.  So with all that being said, Happy Mother's Day. 

I Didn't Break Anything

I am referring to ball practice yesterday afternoon.  To be perfectly honest, I didn't even break a sweat.  It was fun and I got to meet several new folks.  But ima thinking that I probably take ball a whole lot more serious than these other women do.  But it is all good and it will be fun.  It felt good to be out swinging a bat and chasing after ground balls.  I couldn't seem to help myself and guess it has become instinctive after all this time with my ball team but after a very short while I heard myself giving directions.  Such as, 'shortstop go out for the cut off' and 'run it in and call time'.  I really was trying to hold back since I am a guest here and not the coach.  But alas some habits die hard.  These folk just don't have any idea of how much restraint I was showing.  Like I said it was fun, I didn't break anything, got out in the sunshine for a bit, and enjoyed supper with a sister and niece afterwards.  Yesterday was a 'dart throwing' kind of day.  As in, I am going to put a map on the wall that has a 200 mile radius of here, throw a dart and where it sticks is where I am going when I run away from home.  Mentioned doing this one time to Dumbass and he asked me what if it hit where I am at now.  Told him in that case I would try 2 out of 3.  It is Friday, the weekend is upon us and the weather looks great for spending time outside.  Everyone enjoy and in the words of the Terminator, "I'll be back".

My Plate is Not Full

Nope, my plate is not full cos I traded it for a platter.  I had just an awesome weekend with a horse sale on Sat. and Mon.  Enjoyed Sat. tremendously!  Did a first for me on Mon. at the sale.  I bought a pony.  Didn't intend to buy a pony but yep I bought a pony.  Auctioneer was trying to get someone to bid on him (should have been a hint for me) with no luck.  I was clerking the horses and I just whispered to him, "50 and let's go".  Well shut my mouth and call me surprised not another soul bid on this pony.  Auctioneer told seller, "I got you $50.00."  Seller said, "sell him".  Auctioneer looked at me and whispered, "now what you gonna do with him?"  My answer, "send him home with somebody."  Immediately sent Dumbass a text to ask him to take my pony home with him.  I don't know about ya'll but I just think this is funny!  He asked me what I wanted him to do with my pony and my answer was sell the little @*# of a !%&#@.  Just get my money back and if you sell him for more than that we will split.  Now I am just sorry for anybody who can't see the humor in this.  For those of you who know me personally and for those of you read regularly I think you would agree that I am a fairly busy person.  Tomorrow night I start another activity.  Found a women's softball team to play on!  I have not played on a women's team in, oh, it has been about 30 years.  Should be fun and I need the exercise.  Remember, 'she loved life and it loved her back".  To be continued I am sure.

It Is a Fact of Life

All of ya'll gonna think I have done lost my mind, but I promise I haven't!!!!   There are so many people that refuse to face the fact that one day we are all going  to die.  It really is just a fact of life.  Being in the insurance business I have met quite a number of people who would not discuss life insurance because it meant they were going to die or people who did not want to discuss health insurance because they might get sick.  Heeellllloooooo!  If you live long enough you are going to get sick and eventually all of us will die.  It just is what it is.    It is called LIFE!  With all that being said I ran across a quote today that I hope would make the perfect epitaph for my grave marker.  Now I know to some of you that sounds kinda morbid  but it really isn't.  I already have my plot (beside of Bobby) and the marker is in place.  When he was first diagnosed he would tell anyone that would listen, "either way I win".  His belief, and it gave great comfort to those who loved him was that regardless of the outcome he was a winner.  The children bought his or I should say our grave marker and underneath his is the quote, "I am in a win-win situation".  As I mentioned I found mine today, even though I have pretty much decided to be cremated (and what I want done with the ashes is another story), the following is the inscription I want on my marker.  "She loved life and it loved her back."  Is that not just awesome.  I know some of you may think it is kinda gross to even contemplate these things but hey, like I said, it is a fact of life.  Might as well accept the reality of it and deal with it.  It really does make it easier on those left behind.  To be continued I am sure.  I might even share with you what I want done with my ashes.  It is really funny.  But then that should not surprise any of you who read on a regular basis. 

I Was Right

I didn't stay gone long enough.  Either that or I need to go again.  Said my peace and counted to 3.  To be continued I am sure.

Merely an Observation, So Don't Anybody Get Too Excited

I'm a thinkin', and I could be wrong (it has been known to happen), that maybe, just maybe, I didn't stay gone long enough.   Or maybe I just enjoyed staying gone too much.  Often say that I am not sure where I am going when I run away from home.  I have a fair idea.  Ah, but as I have said, the bad news is nothing lasts forever and the good news is that nothing lasts forever.  :)!  To be continued, I'm sure.  LMAO!

I Had Almost Forgotten and Didn't Even Realize It!

A number of years ago we had, for several years, a pastor who truly was a pastor and not just a preacher.  He was a wise man and I have heard him say on a number of occasions that sometimes "you have to go apart to keep from coming apart".  I had been having that 'anywhere but here' feeling and feeling the need to go apart for the past couple of weeks.  Thank God for wonderful, wonderful friends who say come and see us anytime and our house is your house.  It truly is a blessing to have friends that tell you to make yourself at home and you know that they really mean it.  So on Sunday I headed south just as soon as I could get home from church, change clothes, and throw my bag in the truck.  This is about a 3 hour drive for me and it is a drive that I have enjoyed every time that I have made it.  Part 4 lane, part country, no big towns.  Just a really enjoyable drive for me.  Arrived Sun afternoon and did NOTHING!  Which was absolutely PERFECT!  Stayed with these friends until about 3:30 Monday afternoon and probably wore the cover off of the rocking chair cushion.  But oh my God it was exactly what I needed!  Realized that on Monday morning I felt rested.  Left from there and went to see another friend and ended up staying an unexpected night. (Which is why I always carry one more change of clothes than the number of days I plan to stay)  We were just hanging out with no particular plan in mind.  Headed home this morning in the sunshine and just had a great trip up the road.  It is amazing that I live by myself but that time I spend in the truck with the music blasting is when I get some of my best thinking and problem solving done.  I just want to thank my friends for such a great time, ya'll know who you are and that you were just what I needed to fill my reserve for the marathon that is May.   Oh, and what I had almost forgotten and didn't even realize was how it felt to feel rested.  Got a feeling the seat of my britches should be pretty thin between all the rocking and the flying by them.  Love ya'll!!!!