Ponderings

It is a for the most part a calm quiet Sat. morning which allows for the mind to ramble and wander.  Yeah, I know that can be a very scary thing.  I find that on quiet mornings like this it is almost like a rewind of the previous week and sometimes longer.  It just a good time for remembering and reflecting.  It is those moments of reflecting that I find myself thinking about a menagerie of things but not the decisions that have to made or the things that need to be done but aren't.  I have been pondering on several things this morning, kind of a rewind if you will. 

I called to mind a conversation this week with my sister-in-law.  Just for clarification this was the lady, and she is in every sense of the word, that lived with my brother in OK.  They did not have a government contract for their union but she will ever be my sister-in-law.  I feel a kinship with this woman.  She asked me if there were any more dates with the potential new man.  I told yes indeedy there were.  This lead to a conversation between the two of us about how different dating is at our ages.  During this conversation I shared with her that this journey of widowhood that I have been on for 3 years, 4 months, and 18 days (but who is counting) has been a good time to get to know me again.  It has been a time of rediscovery and the conclusion that I have come to is that I like me.  I like that I am a work in process.  I said for a long time after Bobby died that I never intended to remarry or even get seriously involved with anyone because I never wanted to put myself in a position to ever, ever hurt that way again.  But, as previously mentioned time does help.  I am at a point in my life now that it is hard to imagine spending the rest of my life alone.  Am I husband hunting?  Nope.  However, I do have a conviction that when the time is right, things will work out as they are meant to.  But yeah, the consensus between the sister-in law and myself is that we like me.

In reference to this journey of menopause, I still say that I am in some stage just not sure which one.  Had a hot flash this week that even had sweat running down my socks.  Not fun, not fun at all!  And, keeping the fore-mentioned consensus in mind, I will confess that there are times with the hormones in flux that I feel like a grade A bitch.  Most folks will never know how hard I work not to unleash that beast!  Fortunately she doesn't come around that often.  With that being said at those particular times I DON'T LIKE ME!

One more short note.  All of ya'll know how much I enjoy a good laugh!  If you don't you ain't read enough on here!  Went to my friends Dean and Elaine's last night to just hang out for a bit.  She and I got tickled and after that it seemed that almost everything was funny.  I am talking about bent over double, take the glasses off to wipe the tears, take a deep breath and do it again laughing.  Sometimes you just need it!  As mentioned previously a good cry is necessary sometimes but I will always say there is as much healing in laughter as tears and a good laugh is good for the soul!  Have a fantabulous day.  I have a date later today that I am looking forward to!  TTYL