For it to matter I would have to care seems to be the attitude for the past couple of days. Or in other words my ability to give a s... seems to be missing. But never fear it will return in a couple of days I am sure.
I am a widow (sounds like the beginning of a support group). I hate, hate, hate!!!!! that word. It simply means that I am alone and not by my choice or the choice of my husband. So there is nobody to get mad at about it! I try to stay busy but you can only do so much before you have to spend that time and think about it. Granted the times don't come as often as they did but when they do it is a pain in the a@@. I can't help but think sometime "yep, this is right where I thought I would be at this point in my life, in a business that I thought would support me till retirement but is failing due to no fault of my own. And juggleing everything all by myself." Yeah, it's a mini pity party I know.
But be not discouraged I will be back to my optimistic self shortly. All in all life is good, (I do still have my health). But gee, who wants to start over at this age? I don't and sometimes resent not having the choice. But I really do get so tired of trying to keep all the balls in the air by myself. But centuries of women have done it before and I will carry on and be the stronger for it. Just trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. (I really want to: 1- be retired and 2 - be quality control for Dairy Queen.
The really sad thing or maybe more realistic thing is that 100 years from now nobody will ever know the difference so I guess I should not stress about it. Going to bed, tomorrow will be a brighter day.
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