Once Again

Once again my heart is breaking.  Although I don't know that is accurate because it is hard for something to break that has never mended to begin with.  Last Wed. at about 9:30 I get a phone call from my brother in Oklahoma's girlfriend.  This is the brother that was diagnosed in May with multiple myeloma.  The phone call was to inform me that my brother had died.  We don't know what happened only that it was very quick as in talking and just a few minutes later was gone.  This was completely unexpected.  I am not sure if it was the suddenness of it or an accumulation of the last few months or a combination of both but I am having a harder time dealing with this one.  Both sisters said they felt the same way.  My most prevailing thought on Wed. and often since is that last year at Christmas there were 5 of us and this year there are only 3.  On Sat. we will gather to remember Edward and then privately bury his ashes with his two children.  Then we will gather as a family at my house and eat and just be.  As painful as this is I still give thanks that he didn't suffer and that he never had to sit with his Dr and hear them tell him there was nothing else they could do.  As my daughter says we are a family of 'bright siders'.  I am just getting a little tired of having to keep looking for it.  We will do what we do and that is carry on, in little baby steps that will increase in stride before we know it.  Good night all of ya'll