It Really is a Journey

All of life is a journey.  You have heard me say before, 'It is your journey and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you."  The particular segment of the journey that I am referring to today is my journey through widowhood.  In a previous post I mentioned that it is a marathon and not a sprint.  As each person travels that road it is as individual as they are.  Shortly after Bobby died I had a wise lady who had been a widow for a number of years tell me that you never really get over it you just learn to live with it.  I am learning more and more as time goes by that she was so right!  Every person handles the grief process differently and there is no right or wrong way to do it.  There is no time frame for all the elements of healing to fit neatly in.  I am not going to be in the same place at the same time that you are.  I have also learned that the grief process is different for the different relationship.  I have said that I have buried a child, a parent, and a husband.  Not that any hurts any more or less than the other but they are all different.  In the death of a spouse we have lost a person that we chose to be with.  It was with a person that we learned to love not a love that you are born with like that of a parent or child.  I have talked with people who are divorced and they have commented that they understood the losing a spouse.  I beg to differ!!!  In a divorce one or both of you made a choice to end that relationship and as long as there is breath in either body there is always the possibility of reconciliation.  In the death of a spouse neither of you had a choice and there is absolutely no opportunity of reconciliation.  I find myself even after 2 1/2 years often feeling like a married woman.  I still feel like a wife, I just don't have a husband.  My head tells me differently yet my heart has not caught up with my head.  Yes, this is a journey and on this journey I count as blessings the wonderful friends and family who are walking it with me.  Don't be alarmed, I am ok.  As a matter of fact, I think I am doing pretty damned good.  Just some of those random thoughts that wander through from time to time.  Mentioned to Dumbass on a number of occasions that it would scare you to death the things that wander through my mind.  I am good, life all in all is good, and I look forward to each day.  Just pausing to reflect on the journey.