Not All Sure When This Began to Happen

Me thinks that I am becoming the Scrouge of all things holiday.  And I really don't care what holiday it is.  Let me start with Halloween.   I mean seriously it is not even a holiday, it is more of an observance.  It is National Teach Your Kid To Beg Day.  As I live on the main throughfare of a small rural town let me just say that on Halloween night I am not at home.  I would have to take a 2nd mortgage to buy candy for all the little (and not so little) ghosts and goblins that come down through here.  And since I don't even have the first mortgage that is not a possibility.  Last year I enjoyed a bonfire at some friends of Janelle and Kenneth's but as how Begging Day came on a weeknight this year we enjoyed the bonfire on Sat. night this year.  My original plan was to sit at home in the dark and pretend that I wasn't at home.  But I have a sister who enjoys giving out candy to the multitude of children that come by her house and she invited me to come and hang out with her.  Janelle and the boys came after their few stops and we enjoyed hot dogs while seeing all the little (and not so little) children. 

Based on this experience I have come up with a list of "You probably don't need to be trick or treating if:"  These are all from observations that I made tonight as all the little darlins were coming by.

You probably don't need to trick or treat:
If the baby is too young to walk or talk, it probably doesn't have enough teeth to eat candy and needs to be at home.  Mama and Daddy ya'll ain't foolin nobody, that candy is for you.
If you cannot say the words "trick or treat" even if you have to say it in your native language that nobody understands and can only hold that plastic pumpkin, 31 bag, or grocery sack out and grunt stay at home!
If you are large enough that you may or may not get carded at a night club you are TOO BIG, stay at home!
If you have ever received Medicaid for pregnant women you don't need to trick or treat.
If you are smoking when you walk in the yard you do not need to be trick or treating!
If you have boobs bigger than training bra size then you are too old to trick or treat.

I am sure there are more but these  are the ones that come to mind right off the top of my head.  Happy November!