Dear Santa

Ok I must confess that often times at Christmas when people are talking about Santa I am reminded of a quote from my father who was heard to say from time to time, "I really would rather not see that fat s@@ of a b@@@@ this year".  You can well imagine why I remember that quote is because I really would rather not see that fat s@@ of a b@@@@ this year.  With that being said here is my letter to Santa.
Dear Santa,
I am sure that I probably have not been nearly as good as I need to be this year but if you could see your way clear I really need a GPS.
Sincerely,
Connie

Now normally I ask for things like Diet Pepsi, Chocolate Covered Cherries, you know the essentials. 

Let me share with you that I am not terribly directional challenged even though I don't know east from west unless I see the sun rise or set.  I can not figure out how the same road can be going 109 south and 74 east.  Ok???  Make up your damn mind which direction am I going in, south or east?  However, I generally have no problem finding my way around UNLESS I am trying to get back home.  Just don't make no kind of sense!!  I will print directions to a new destination with Bing maps or Mapquest and don't have any problem getting to where I am going.  But I usually forget to print them in reverse and as a result  have taken the scenic route home many times.  Well let me tell you it only took about 1/2 dozen of these scenic routes home and I finally remembered to print out the reverse.

Last night I went to a town I had never traveled to and I got my directions printed out both to and from so I am feeling really good about this trip.  UNTIL!, I am about a 1/3 of the way to my destination and the road that I am supposed to stay on bears off to the right and I have it in my sights but guess what.  Across the road are barricades!  The flippin road is CLOSED due to a bridge being out!  Are there detours signs any where?  NOOOOOOOO.  Now I am in a very rural part of NC getting ready to cross into an even more rural part of SC where not only is there no detour signs, there is also no cell service.  When I finally got cell service I sent Janelle a text that said "just call me Moses" because I am wandering around in the wilderness.  Was I lost?  No, I just didn't know where I was at.  However, being blessed with a little bit of common sense I rationalize when I get to a stop sign that "ok, I was supposed to bear right, so it makes sense to me that I should turn right" and guess what I was right.  I eventually got back where I was supposed to be without the help of NCDOT (no detour signs) and it only took me about 20 minutes longer than it should have.  Made it to my destination just fine and made it home (without reverse directions cos remember the bridge is out) even finer.

Dear Santa,
I would rather have a tatoo for Christmas but  I really need a GPS.